If only once
by IfOnlyIWasntInsane
Summary: This story is a yaoi, well more of a fluff.   It is based on the two rappers G-Dragon and TOP from the Korean band BigBang.   Ji Yong  G-Dragon  is secretly in love with Seung-hyun  TOP  but won't say anything for fear he will lose him. But that all chang


I lay on the couch, curled up in a ball, and hugging my chest. I stare at the ceiling, but I can't even focus enough to count the seconds that pass. My mind is swirling, my emotions like a whirl wind. Spiralling, tumbling, something I can never grasp. You are my friend, but I want more. I see you almost every day, and I have early on accepted the fact that that's all I can ever ask for. A friend I will always be there for, will do anything for, without explanation. I have accepted it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I love you enough that I will never try anything; never force you into that situation, no matter how many times I fantasize about it. Oh Seung-Hyun, I wish you could know, I wish you could understand, and I wish you could feel the same. But I will settle for friendship, for I cherish every moment I see you smile, every moment I am with you. My eyes flicker to the clock, and my heart skips a beat. You will be here any moment now. I swing my legs of the couch, and sit up, I wait. I bite down lightly on my bottom lip as I wait for the sound of your arrival. It feels like the seconds have turned to hours, but I will wait. I hear a distinct knock at the door. You knock only once, for you know that's all you need to do. I always hear you. I all but leap from the chair, and walk quickly to the door. I had unlocked it earlier, so I wouldn't have to waste any time. My hand reaches for the handle, while my heart flutters. Pulling it open I look up at your gorgeous form, standing there, smiling down at me. You are so tall, so strong. The way you carry yourself makes you look like you could take on anything, and win. I can't help it; a huge smile spreads across my face as I met your eyes. Those beautiful eyes. They are dark, but they hold so much emotion. I have seen them filled with compassion, sadness, happiness, and every time I look into them, I see everything I could ever want. Those amazing eyes, they make me freeze. I don't know how, but I manage the strength to look away, if only long enough to let you in. We do not speak; we have done this so many times we do not bother. I follow you back through the house, you know it so well, and have once said it is like your second home. I had not stopped smiling after that comment. You sit down on the couch where I just laid, just thought about you. I sit down next to you, and I need to tilt my head back to meet your eyes. "How have you been Ji Yong?" You ask, general interest in your eyes, you cannot lie to me, I know you to well, and it takes all my strength to hide my true feelings from you. I smile, it is only a little smile, but you smile back. "I have been good. I finished writing my new song." I wrote it about you, but I could never tell you that. "May I see it? You always write beautifully." I blush, I can't see it, but I know my cheeks have gone a bright red. Oh Seung-Hyun, why must you tease me like this? You don't realize it, but those kinds of comments drive me crazy. But I don't want you to stop. I like it when you tease me; you always know the right words. I drop my eyes, looking down to my lap. My blonde hair falls over my eyes, and I hope you don't notice the happiness spreading across my face. I hear you laugh, it is only a slight laugh, but it is the most beautiful sound. "You are so cute Ji Yong. The cutest person I know" Your voice turns serious, and my head snaps back up. I look into those eyes. They are blazing; I have never seen them hold such passion. My lips part slightly, in awe. That look, that burning desire. Is it for me? Oh please let it be for me. Please see we are perfect together. Please? I can feel your breath on my face, when did we get this close? You seem to realize it as well. Are you blushing? All too soon you stand up, "We should warm up, the others will be here in an hour" All I can manage is a small nod, disappointment flowing through my body. I stand, following you into my small home gym. It was basically an empty room, with mirrors lining the wall, a treadmill, some weights, and some padded mats. But it was better than anything the others have, so we always practice the dances here. You remove your jacket, throwing it to the corner of the room. My eyes look your body up and down. You are wearing Nikes, grey sweats, and a tight fitting black singlet. My eyes hover at your chest, that beautifully carved chest. I look down at my own attire. Sneakers, black sweats, and a white shirt that looks a few sizes bigger than it should be. But you brought it for me, so I wear it. My eyes flicker back to you, meeting your gaze. You look away, beginning to stretch. Sighing, I join you; our bodies mindlessly go through the stretches we have completed a thousand times. As we finish, a thought runs through my head. "Seung-Hyun, you always tell the others how good you are at sit ups." You laugh. "It is just a joke." You grab your water bottle, taking a drink, and put it back down. "Why?" I blush slightly, looking down at the floor. "Can you show me?" I was slightly nervous about asking you this, what if you think it's a stupid request? And say we should get back to practice? But you smile. "Uh, sure. I guess I can do that." I smile at this. You sit down on the floor, and lie back. I kneel in front of you, hugging your legs to my chest. Crossing your arms over your chest you raise yourself about ten centimetres of the ground. I frown. "Aren't you going to do it properly Seung-Hyun?" I was still frowning. I want to see you do it; I don't care if you are bad at them. It will still be amazing for me to see. "If I do it properly, Ji Yong, You will regret it" You are serious again, and I see a flash of that passion I saw before. "Why will I regret it?" I say, confused. You smile slightly, and do a proper sit up. When you sit up, your face is barely inches from mine. I gasp. Your face holds no emotion, but your eyes burn. You go back down, and I gasp for breath. This time when you come back up, you stop. Staring into my eyes, with a look that melts me. An involuntary shiver runs up my spine. "Do you regret it? I can see in your eyes there is something you are holding back. Please don't, let me see what you are feeling." You whisper, your voice making me shiver again. I tried, a really did, but it is like you voice forces me to obey. The wall I normally keep up crumbles and my emotions flood onto my face. I look at you with pure love. "I don't regret it." I manage to reply, my voice small and soft, nothing compared to yours. Your eyes flicker to my lips, and I let myself hope. I look down, scolding myself for thinking, even for a second, you love me to. Then suddenly, without warning, your lips are on mine. You kiss me fiercely, with such passion. Your tongue traces my bottom lip, like an unspoken question. I open my mouth, and your arms wrap around my back, pulling my closer. Our tongue's dance. This is my first kiss, and it is more amazing than anything I could have ever hoped for. I feel like my body is singing, like it is dancing, and I don't want to stop it. Joy is rushing through me. I have waited so long, so patiently. I was happy to be your friend, to mean anything to you. But to feel your lips upon mine? I will never be able to go back. If you reject me after this I will understand. If you are just playing with me, just to see how I react, I do not mind. To be able to feel your lips upon mine, just once, makes me happy. If I can imagine, just for this moment, you feel the same, it is worth it. All too soon, you pull away, resting your forehead on mine. With eyes closed, we pant for breath. I feel like we are one, sharing that moment. For I know the world will not agree with us being together. But if we can even just breathe together, if we both look up at the sky together, even if we are apart, we can count that as being together. Even if we must meet in secret, lie to everyone we know. It will be worth it. For I know the world will not agree. They will consider it strange, consider it unnatural. But to know you feel this way, it is enough. I will endure anything, just to feel this, if only once. "I love you Ji Yong" You whispered, kissing me softly once more. And with those words, my life is complete.


End file.
